Eye Have It

My MIL <---(mother-in-law, for those of you who aren't up to puter' lingo like me), is a woman who exudes dignity, respect, and honor. A reverence washes over me every time I'm in her presence. She's a very noble woman, full of integrity and intelligence---which is why I am so baffled at how much she enjoys hearing, "LaRae Stories." I can honestly say that whenever I am in her presence, I try my hardest to control my "doofus" gene.

Case in point: When my MIL <--(mother-in-law, just in case you didn't catch the puter lingo to first time) was in the hospital recovering from gallbladder surgery, hubby and I went to visit her. Two of her daughters, my SIL <--(sister's-in-law---same as MIL, only you put an S where the M is) were there. Awww . . . they are such good children.

Anyway . . .

My MIL's <--(mother's-in-law---notice the additional appostrophe and letter s), stomach was really tender cuz of her stitches. She could hardly breathe without discomfort, let alone laugh---so I was alerted to be on my best "undoofus" behavior.

All was going really well until June (name changed to protect the innocent) brought up what happened when Aunt Maggie (named also changed to protect the innocent) when she was recently in the hospital for an unrelated incident.

"What happened?" I innocently asked, proud of how well I'm controlling my doofus gene.

She answered, "Apparently, when she was eating her lunch (yuck---hospital food), her eye fell out---right on to her food."

Shocked, I replied (with wide eyes, I might add), "That's AWFUL!!!!!" I was aghast! After thinking for a moment I added, "It probably helped the hospital food taste better though."

"Don't make me laugh." MIL struggled with pain.

"Sorry."

I quietly listened to the rest of the story. Everyone commented on how embarrassing it musta been for Aunt Maggie (not real name).

I'm thinking, "Embarrassing? I would be more worried about my eyeball in the food. How come they're not worried about her EYEBALL?" I kept quiet.

After everyone was through discussing poor Aunt Maggie's embarrassment, I wanted to let everyone know that I could indeed participate in a serious conversation . . . so I said, "That reminds me of when a pre-school teacher friend of mine told me about how a little boy's eye fell out---right onto his lap!---but his eye was fake."

I'm lookin' around the room, proud that I could contribute.

Dead silence filled the room.

"What?" I asked.

The siblings <--(I don't know the puter' initials for siblings) looked at each other. They looked at their mother <---(don't know the initials for mother either), then at me and burst out laughing.

"Don't make me laugh." MIL muttered in pain.

"What?" I'm looking around for the answer to what was so funny.

In unison, the SIL's asked, "Did you think Aunt Maggie's eye was her REAL eye?"

"Yes?" I questioned.

Dead silence again.

Another roar of laughter filled MIL's hospital room. "Quit making me laugh!" was MIL's painful plea.

"What? What's so darn funny?" I'm getting a little miffed.

Finally, June (not real name---although, I don't know if she's so innocent now) said, "Aunt Maggie's eye was fake too! REAL eyes don't just fall out of their sockets, you know."

"They don't? After hearing Aunt Maggie's story, I was thinkin' that they could."

"Okay, that does it!" MIL squeaked out inbetween breaths. Looking directly at me she said, "You have to go now. One of my stitches just split open."

Feeling REAL sorry for me, hubby gets my coat and escorts me out of MIL's room.

"You can visit when Mom's stitches are out." Jin (the other SIL whose name has been changed to protect the not so innocent) yelled out as hubby and I walked down hospital hall.

So much for controling my "Doofussy Genetical Defect."

LESSON LEARNED: Check for eyeballs when you eat hospital food.