Why Doesn't This Shake Weight Shake?

It's hard being a Doofus. I don't know if I've ever told anyone that---BUT IT IS!!!!!!

For instance: For Mother's Day, Brad (my son), asked what I would like.

I had seen a "Shake Weight Thingie" (<----Official Technical Term) advertised on tv. It looked GREAT! The Shake Weight models on tv looked like they were just holding the "Shake Weight Thingie" (<---Official Technical Term) while it shook! The tv ad said that this type of exercise is MUCH more effective than using free weights.

My first thought was, "Sign me up!" "I want one of those "Shake Weight Thingies!" (<--- Official Technical Term, although, you really should know that by now).

"Just think of it!" I told myself. "All I have to do is hold the weight while it shakes for me! What could be easier than that?" I'm all for easy, ya know.

So . . . my Brad ordered the "Shake Weight Thingie" (<---Official Technical Term, you ought to be getting the hang of) and I waited with "baited" breath . . . or . . . baited "unbreath," since I don't breathe very well. I couldn't "WAIT" for my "Shake Weight Thingie" (<---- okay, enough is enough) to arrive.

After waiting for "an eternity," it finally came. "Woo Hoo!"

I grabbed that package and tried to rip it open with my arthritic hands. Didn't work. So---Brad grabbed it and ripped it open with his man hands.

I grabbed the opened package from his man hands with my arthritic hands and held the "Shake Weight Thingie" (<--- aw, c'mon) and held it tight. Nuttin'. I looked at the top of it. I looked at the bottom. I looked for an "On" Off" switch. Nuttin'. So . . . I held it tight some more. Still nuttin'.

Brad's watching me this whole time wondering what the heck I'm doing.

Finally I said, "Hey, this "Shake Weight Thingie" (<---OTT . . . Official Technical Term---crud, I can't help myself), doesn't work. It's not shaking!" I was SO disappointed.

Brad took it from me. Read the box and instructions and said, "YOU are supposed to shake it."

"Me?" Looking at him like he is crazy. "But, but . . . those models on tv didn't have to shake theirs."

He read the instructions out loud. Basically it said that there are no batteries cuz the person holding the "Shake Weight Thingie" (<--- you know) has to shake it for it to work.

I responded, "If I had known that I had to shake it myself, I woulda just grabbed my free weights and shook THEM! What a rip off."

LESSON LEARNED: When you see a tv model that has "ripped" shoulders, biceps and triceps, it's NOT BECAUSE OF A "SHAKE WEIGHT THINGIE" (<---- Official Rip-Off Name)